My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
