I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize