The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
