Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
