Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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