y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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