so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
