operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
