I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A bitchslap is in order.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
