Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
