Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh god the rape fog is back!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i think i just lost a toe
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
