Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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