So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I didn't notice because vodka
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
