I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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