totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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