I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
