never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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