you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
