Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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