Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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