Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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