I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
