i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
