Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
