And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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