It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
