Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
