you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
