Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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