You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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