Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
