ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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