They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
