just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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