Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
