i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
