we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
