Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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