I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
