yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
