There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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