can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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