you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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