I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
