Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
