Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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