You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
