So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
