what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
