If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
