so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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