My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
