mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
