Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
