I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
