I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's like heaven, but drunker
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
