had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
