some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
