The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
