I cockslap morals
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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