Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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