i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
