am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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