WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
