these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
