Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
