Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
