Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
