but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
